The Educator as Explorer We shall not cease from exploration And the end of all our exploring Will be to arrive where we started And know the place for the first time. T.S.Eliot I began my explorations in education as a learner, and I have traveled in a circle in the five plus decades since my journey began. As a teacher, I now strive for that same open and spontaneous sense of wonder that I felt as a young student. For me the effective and holistic approach to teaching is to be a learner. As I think of those teachers who most influenced me, they were explorers too. It was their example of actively experiencing, of learning as an adventure in discovery, of taking risks yet never completely losing perspective that impressed me. Time spent in their good company influenced the teacher I continue to become. Their style was provocative without compromising self-respect. They modeled experimental practices, being active rather than passive. Together we undertook an on-going quest for a new way of seeing things. Curiousity and a desire to learn were recognized as growth. Effective communication was celebrated as a sharing and connecting process. The teacher I am has been shaped by my adventures as an explorer, in education and in life. I share these travels in order to reflect upon this journey, hoping to gain new insight in the process. Early Years I have loved school from grade one at the age of five. On the whole, teachers were easier to please than alcoholic, workaholic parents. I especially enjoyed art and English. Enchanted, I would listen to stories my teachers read to me. The third grade classroom disappeared as Miss Dodd described a fantastic world populated with animals who could talk. When I got home I rushed to enter the land of Oz or visit with Honey Bunch, Maida or the Bobbsey twins. In these series, heroines were girls like me and life in the imaginary world of books was one where problems got solved. My dad was the charming host of a large resort hotel and a civic leader; my mom was a busy interior decorator to the socialite set. Aside from a live-in maid and a chauffeur, I was left to entertain myself. Books became my best friends. - 2 - In the fourth grade, I moved to live with my grandparents while my parents got divorced. I met Miss Alta Stewart, my geography teacher. She was tall with silver hair in curls, rimless glasses, rosy cheeks, and merry blue eyes. She issued an invitation for me to join her in her new school the next year. There were no more than a dozen fifth graders who attended the small private school, that went from grade one to grade nine. We all attended chapel at St. James Episcopal Church before riding a bus to take part in the day program on a country estate. When we were not in class with Miss Stewart, we had hills and meadows, a stream full of tadpoles, space to run and explore. We were the priviledged who planned to attend the ivy league colleges one day. I thrived in this environment! But the following summer, my mother died and my agoraphobic grandmother, the classical pianist who was afraid of audiences, went into extended bereavement. It was decided that I would return to public school only a block from her house. Back I went into the system, near the top of my class but lost in the large classroom full of kids. I had Nancy Drew and progressively more mature literary heroines to keep me company. The occasional teacher shone as a beacon through junior and senior high school. Mrs. Williams gets special mention for encouraging me to illustrate my book reports. By now, in addition to music and dance lessons, I was taking painting from private teachers. I was devoted to scouting and joined two troops. I sang in choirs and choruses and I discovered the wonderful world of theatre when, from age thirteen, I began to win parts in plays. Mrs. Bjork, senior English, threw a literary party every day. Her readings were thrilling. I can still hear, "the tintinnabulation that so musically wells" from Edgar Allan Poe's The Bells or "Mumbo-Jumbo will hoo-doo you" from Vachel Lindsay's Congo. She gave fearless, exciting interpretations - full out - no holding back! In her journalism class, we could shape heart-felt convictions into our own words with her enthusiastic encouragement. It was marvelous to see our ideas in print. She was also our fun-loving advisor helping a group of us put together the class yearbook. - 3 - I continued to find a wealth of writers to sample. Poets now captured my attention: Whitman, cummings, Baudelaire, Rimbaud, Valery, Prevert....and from San Francisco and the City Lights bookstore, Corso and Ferlinghetti. Jazz and the Beat Generation! Soon my own muse was activated and I began to express myself in poetry. The greatest passion to emerge in my teen years, was involvement in theatre - here I had it all - escape into fantasy, art, passion, approval and high adventure. I wanted to know all languages, read all books, play all characters. Attending college and university, for a B.A. in speech and drama, I settled for two languages, Spanish and French and for parts in plays like The Diary of Anne Frank and Rhinoceros. Into the World When I turned twenty, I grabbed a husband and became an air force wife busy with community theatre wherever we were stationed. Within two years, I was back in college, getting a teacher's certificate in speech and drama. I reveled in the practicum at a small separate school and my students won awards at the state drama festival. I also worked as a recreation director, instituting non-traditional casting for a play mounted at the airman's club on the base. I realized in amazement that I could go beyond stereotypical practices in my work as a director and teacher. Unfortunately, I wasn't doing well in my marriage. At twenty four I was divorced and living on my own for the first time. I struggled to support myself as a supply teacher in the arts. I quickly discovered that in Seattle, Washington, students took drama as an easy class to fool around in. I became a temporary warden, babysitting wayward, unfocused students while their regular teacher was away. I fled from this! I decided to leave my country as well. The slogan, "love it or leave it" suggested to me that with the Vietnam war and assassinations of beloved political leaders, it was time to go. I went deckhanding on a salmon troller out of a tiny village off the west coast of Vancouver Island with husband #2. Big adventure on the high seas! Learning to live so much closer to nature, I tuned in to a heretofore neglected part of myself. I began my discoveries through books. Yoga, Youth and Reincarnation was among the first of my guides. I took up Transcendental Meditation and began the journey within. I also began keeping thoughts and dreams in a journal from time to time. - 4 - Then at twenty seven, with the second marriage on the rocks, I moved to the city of Vancouver and found a job as a teacher at an educational institute. I created a program covering all secondary school subjects for small groups of students from Hong Kong. The school also served emotionally disturbed students seeking equivilency. In this specialized area, I found that I was able to work intuitively with students. I was delighted when my suggestions helped students find strategies to eliminate barriers to learning. The siren call of the theatre lured me from the institute. I was employed by a professional company where I served as receptionist, production secretary and secretary to the artistic director within a year. The next season I became a design apprentice for sets and costumes, wardrobe mistress and propmaker, teaching creative drama in my spare time. This teaching was fun and inventive play, improvisations and games. I made it all up as I went along. I hadn't been trained to teach creative drama but I believed I could and classes went well. My spiritual studies took on a deeper meaning as I became a follower of Ram Dass, subscribing to the path of karma yoga. I lived communally as a vegetarian and generally free spirit. My connection with nature and the world around me was developing more fully. I felt, however, that I needed more education in order to make a greater contribution to the arts. I was offered a full scholarship at Trinity University in Texas. The graduate theatre wing was housed in the Dallas Theatre Center, designed by Frank Lloyd Wright. Paul Baker, author of Integration of Abilities; Exercises for Creative Growth, was managing director. I learned to use all of my senses to find and express my work through line, color, light, sound, rhythm, silhouette, space and texture. Baker insisted that all students be proficient in as many areas as possible. Only those who were able to wear a number of hats were invited back. In my three years in residence, I wrote and produced my own plays, designed sets and costumes, acted and directed. My first script, Quincunx, was a short play celebrating universal rituals. It was produced at the theatre centre and later performed in a meadow on Bowen Island, B.C. Another play, Tryptych, concerned the best and worst in man in his relationship to nature and cultural heritage. - 5 - The philosophy of integrated abilities gave me a solid and holistic approach to my work in the arts. I was growing as an artist. "The good teacher is a crea tive artist. He must be aware that there is a free space in which his students may express themselves. All his training and knowledge should be focused into a teaching instrument which will open closed minds, hearts, imaginations to the living existence of a free space and time wherein the student may grow and create." (Baker, 1972). Returning to Canada, I found odd jobs in theatre. I stage managed, designed sets and costumes, traveled with a puppet show, showcased plays I had written, taught acting movement at Simon Fraser University and started a small theatre ensemble. I had three years in which to complete a thesis for my Master of Fine Arts degree and my only idea, to write a play based on the Coastal Indian's ritual potlatch ceremony had been vetoed by my thesis advisor. The third marriage, contracted while in graduate school, was undergoing major difficulties. The Quest In fairy tales, the adventurer goes out to perform difficult tasks in order to win the prize. I began this great quest with several objectives. I wanted to gain perspective regarding my poor choices in mates. I longed to expand my horizons, learning about other cultures. And I needed an acceptable topic for my thesis. In the summer of 1976, I joined a long-time best friend on a drive around Europe. We explored cities, villages, churches, museums, and life in general. I planned to be away for three months and stayed for nearly two years. A robbery in Marseilles was the catalyst for my remaining abroad. I lost all but what I was wearing, my purse with passport and a few travellers' checques. My bargain basement return ticket was not replaceable. My friend had arranged for an apartment in Athens, Greece for the winter and I decided to stay and earn my keep teaching English. - 6 - Greece was a complete unknown aside from a few classical plays. I began to read - I was walking distance to many excellent libraries in Athens. I started with King Othon and worked my way forwards and backwards in history discovering Lord Byron's poetry and Henry Miller's Collossus of Maroussi in the process. I used Greek mythology and fairy tales to teach English. I began writing a play where I was all the characters who were deciding how to answer the questions, "Who Am I?" and "What Do I Want?" I explored the mystical sites of Greece, experiencing a profound spiritual connection to this magical country. I had been keeping a daily journal and now, I was writing reams of poetry, later collected in one volume, Who Loves, Raves. I completed the play, By Any Other Name, and sent it as my thesis submission. It was refused by my playwriting professor who had always given me A's. I decided to fly to Texas to defend my work. It was now only a few months until the deadline. Back at the Theatre Center, I met with the director, Baker, who decreed that my masterpiece, a farce about the theatre, was unacceptable. He decided that I would write a design thesis if I wanted to graduate. Once I mopped up the angry tears, I quickly set a new course. I found a place to stay with a classmate. I went to a nearby Greek restaurant and in Greek, secured a job starting the next day. I found two advisors who agreed to work with me on a new proposal based on the reading I had done in Greece. My hypothesis was as follows: Classical plays, being timeless and universal, can be produced successfully in modern times through designs that incorporate the essential elements of the culture in which the play was developed. By studying that culture from three points in history, a designer extracts the cultural characteristics then translates them into essential production elements (line, colour, texture, silhouette, space, light, sound, and rhythm). In my example, I designed a production of Aeschylus' The Suppliant Women drawing upon historical references from 5th Century BC, from the Greek Revolution, and from preWorld War II Greece, 1939. On deadline day, two months later, I flew to San Antonio to deliver my 155 page thesis, Essential Theatre, Dimensions in Design, to the Dean of Arts and Sciences of Trinity University. - 7 - Spiral Windings Continue The next few years were marked by periods of great contrast. First, I took a very high profile position in a San Francisco theatre company, administrative assistant to a Broadway producer. The very commercial enterprise was exciting, demanding and much too slick and superficial for me. I wore suits and hobnobbed with the city's rich and famous but my heart wasn't in it. I resigned and flew to Santo Domingo, Dominican Republic to obtain another divorce. "...on ne voit bien qu'avec le coeur. L'essentiel est invisible pour les yeux." - one sees well only with the heart; the essential is invisible to the eyes. (St. Exupery, 1958). Not only were the eyes failing me but the heart was playing tricks as well. Nine months later I was making Egyptian headdresses for an off-off-off Broadway production in New York City. Then, I married a Greek I had known in Athens and left to set up housekeeping in an ancient apartment just below the Acropolis. I planned to live most of the year in Greece, painting and teaching English. I had a few commissions and a creative writing syllabus lined up to keep me busy in this romantic lifestyle. I returned to New York to collect belongings I would need in Greece. Alas, I received news that an earthquake had destroyed the apartment in Athens where I planned to set up my studio. The new marriage was not working in either country. I was confused and unsure of what to do next when I went to see a psychic. My "guides", the psychic proclaimed, insisted that I move to Toronto, where fame and fortune awaited me. As I knew no one in Toronto, I decided to go back to British Columbia where I had once been established. I went to stay in a tiny one room cabin (wood stove, no running water) in Roberts Creek on the Sechelt Peninsula. I found work with CBC's series, The Beachcombers. I started a semi-professional company, Ensemble Theatre, to serve the coastal communities. I coordinated special projects for the school district. I exhibited my assemblages in the art centre. Within two years I had produced a full season of shows (three were original works) performing, directing and designing, promoting, and winning awards and grants for my work. This gave me the confidence to follow the psychic's suggestion and progress to Toronto. - 8 - I moved into a dreadful little roach-infested room on a snowy night late in December of 1983. I still knew no one in Toronto. I fasted and meditated and started taking acting classes. Eight months later I was in a pleasant apartment with a roommate, I'd had the lead in a show at Harbourfront and I was employed as production assistant and "Teacher" on a daily TV series called Parenting. In each show, I was given five minutes to teach parents how to do creative activities with their children. A producer with the Parenting series recommended me to Seneca College to teach creative drama. At the same time I looked for material to showcase my acting abilities for Toronto casting directors. Acclaimed writer, Gwendolyn McEwen, agreed that I could produce a one woman show based on her book, Mermaids and Icons, a Greek Summer, for the Greek National Tourist Association. I did extra work for films and television and continued making the rounds. Things were looking good - maybe the psychic had been right after all. In the fall of 1985, my roommate was hired at Seneca as a counsellor for the Futures program. He suggested that I apply as well. At the time, I was still trying to make it as an actress; I had a part in Pierre Berton's Heritage Theatre TV series. I went to an interview and was put on a list for supply teaching at Futures. Six months later, as the acting parts seemed to elude me, a counsellor broke her leg and I was asked to replace her. That old theatrical phrase "break a leg" was lucky for me. I've been working in this program ever since. To be better prepared for the high risk adolescents this program serves, I took Life Skills training and started going to psychotherapy once a week. I recognized that I needed to work on myself if I were going to encourage these students to do the same. In therapy, I drew up a list of the pros and cons of being in the theatre and found to my surprise that I was uncomfortable with much of it. I realized that I could be happy as a creative and giving artist in my role as counsellor at Futures. As a bonus, my boss, the Chair for this program at that time, was exceptionally supportive. Our friendship has flourished through the years; she continues to be an outstanding mentor, role model and friend. - 9 - At Futures, the counsellor spends five hours a day conducting activities to help students with job skills and life skills. I soon observed that these adolescents were most receptive when being creative. I began using collage and art therapy, role play and video production, journal writing and in-house publication of art, poetry and stories done by the students. Before long, I was in demand as a workshop leader, sharing techniques for using creative activities with counsellors and teachers from around the province. In order to be more knowedgeable about video production, I took courses and learned how to make educational documentaries. Soon I became interested in computers and the possibilities of using multimedia in teaching. I took up photography in order to become more skilled in composition. Happily, I found many courses available in the evenings that would help me expand: scupture, karate, travel writing, graphics, scuba diving. I was discovering that, "There is no difference between learning and teaching just as there is no difference between work and play." (Gawain, 1986, p.138). My spiritual path has led me to Jose Silva's Mind Control course and the Lifestream self-actualizing courses. Very important elements in my life are affirmations, fitness, meditation and keeping a daily journal. I have taken the star as my personal symbol. I collect stars to remind me that to be a star, I must shine my own light, follow my own path, and not worry about the darkness, for that is when stars shine brightest. Whenever possible I travel - Mexico and the Caribbean for scuba diving - Spain, France, Greece, Australia, New York, British Columbia, California and the American Southwest. I go to visit friends (and the Greek husband of some fifteen and a half years). I have finally put down roots, and I return each time to Toronto and to my job at Seneca. Using creative visualization I imagined myself living in the wonderful apartment I now occupy. I have been opening myself to more creative assignments at the college. At Seneca, I volunteered to serve on committees devoted to alternate modes of learning and prior learning assessment. In the fall of 1992, I was selected to take part in an exploration of multimedia for teaching. For nine months, I was one of eight teachers from Seneca, Sheridan and Humber Colleges who learned how to design and develop software programs. - 10 - I was very excited by this new world of multimedia. I could use all of my experience as artist, theatre producer, writer, photographer, videographer, and educator towards reaching students in an interactive medium. I made a proposal to develop materials that would be useful to the new prior learning assessment program at Seneca. To my delight, I was given a year in which to carry out this project, working with Mohawk College and TVOntario. I desktop published the study guide, helped create the video series and designed and developed a CD ROM for this distance learning package. The "Live and Learn" program is now being broadcast on TVO and the package is in use in all of the colleges in Ontario. For the fall of 1995, I have been asked to publish these materials on the Internet. In the fall of 1994, I began doctoral studies at the Ontario Institute of Studies in Education. I had reached a point in my work as a counsellor and developer of learning materials where I felt I needed a more substantial foundation in methodology. Most of my work has been intuitional. I have been teaching in a program where traditional approaches for reaching students are not as effective as non-traditional techniques. I wanted to confirm my theories and practices as valid and perhaps find better ways to inspire the high risk adolescents in the Futures program. This summer I made a pleasant discovery. I found that many of the ideas and values I have grown to revere as an educator are embraced by Holistic practices. I think I might be like an exchange student who suddenly discovers a community of folks from "back home". We speak the same language and honour the same traditions. This connection is very reassuring. I have found an oasis in my journey, a place where I can be refreshed and share my learning in a deep and meaningful way. And reflecting that feeling, I have developed a SPA, a Holistic Oasis on the Internet where teachers can find inspirational materials. The visitor to this site can find information on meditation, browse an art gallery, read of co-operative learning projects and holistic teaching, practice creative problem-solving or be reminded of wonderful books to read. To visit this site, go to the following URL - http://www.oise.on.ca/~skarsten/spa.html - 11 - Summary This journey of mine is a grand adventure. I am happy that in my work I have opportunities to share my discoveries with young students and with my fellow teachers and counsellors. It gives me great pleasure to integrate my love of the arts into my teaching. I am able to serve through my talents. Each day, I aim to "be here now", to live each moment to the fullest. "Listening opens the space, allows us to hear what needs to be done in that moment." (Dass and Bush, 1992, p.167). In a recent dream, I was conducting a final class with my students. I kept trying different ideas as students began leaving. For one last activity, I asked a student to go around to others, telling of her best moments and soon I had everyone doing the same. They were all putting on hats and costume pieces, playing the emotions of how they felt. I was sorry that those who had already gone on and my own teachers could not be there to experience the epiphany of joy I felt at having discovered such a fabulous activity for closure. I had found it by intuition, just as I had the previous exercises. This one brought forth spontaneous movement and was completely involving in every way. I awoke knowing that this dream expressed my true feelings as a teacher - the ultimate thrill for me is when such a discovery is made and we, my students and I, are all totally engaged. I continue to seek ways to communicate in a more universal and timeless fashion, to inspire and to stimulate others. Another challenge is working on myself to be a more loving and giving person, a positive role model for those around me. I feel that as long as I am open and receptive, passionate in my quest for greater knowledge and understanding, that I will continue to experience powerful transformations. "We invoke the Great Creator when we invoke our own creativity, and that creative force has the power to alter lives, fulfill destinies, answer our dreams." (Cameron, 1992, p. 205). If, as Bolen suggests, I were to identify with a mythological model, I would have to chose two goddesses. I am the huntress, Artemis, searching for new ideas. And I am Demeter, shepherding the growth of life-affirming energies, ceaseless in my guardianship of the Persephones that come into my care. Since my call to adventure, I have suffered many tests and trials . I am eager always to return to service as a teacher/learner, experiencing rebirth as I move on to the next stage of my journey as an explorer and educator. REFERENCES: Baker, Paul, Integration of Abilities: Exercises for Creative Growth, Trinity University Press, San Antonio, 1972 De Saint-Exupery, Antoine, Le Petit Prince, Heinemann, London, 1958 Gawain, Shakti, Living in the Light, Whatever publishing, Mill Valley, 1986 Ram Dass and Bush, Miraabai, Compassion in Action, Bell Tower, NY, 1992 Cameron, Julia, The Artist's Way, Putnam Publishing, NY, 1992 Bolen, Jean Shinoda, Goddesses in Every Woman, Harper Colophon, NY, 1984 _________________________________________________________________________ This paper submitted Summer 1995 for Holistic Curriculum, Dr. Jack Miller, OISE.